I'd like to say that I've come to the end of this month with a renewed and complete by-in to unfaltering faith. Not so much. However, I have been reminded of the need for it for many and myself. I've visited a Buddhist Center, a Hari Krishna Temple, a Christian Church, a Catholic Church, and the great outdoors. I've read the Book of John, select Proverb quotes, and a bit of the Tao of Pooh, Rumi, Oriah, and Twenter. I've thought about the 5 C's a lot, meditated - but not enough, listened to and thought about Dawn's CD compilation, Lone Bellow, and Billy Elliot, and worked on just believing.
Just Believing that is what everyone of the 4 centers I visited preached - as did the great outdoors with just its showing of the reason to believe, as did the songs, John, Proverbs, and Pooh. I guess if it is in this many places, two things are true. Yep, you need to just believe. Two, it isn't always easy to do or there wouldn't be this much talk and advice on it. We are asked to trust that there is a plan that is hard to understand in the moment with our mere brains, but it is the belief that makes it workable.
What was most impactful about John's readings were that Jesus was willing to die for what he believed. I've heard this numerous times through my Catholic education but today it had different meaning. You have to stand up for what you believe even against those who love you the most and even when it is killa hard. Hard to do, but you must trust in your beliefs. It is modeled after a leader who represents gentleness, acceptance, and discipline in belief.
I've been reminded I'm called to be an anthropologist in my own way. I am reminded that my faith and my sister-in-law's seemed to carry my family through a challenging spring. And I did not waiver there, not for a minute. I just waiver when it is for my self-interest, for my soul. This is where it is the most important - to believe, to die for what your soul speaks. I am reminded of love - Kellie and Dawn's time to write these chapters, friends to listen to these thoughts, and self-love when I choose to see the magic and act. I am reminded that career, character, and calling seem easier for me to quickly assess, but community and companion were harder to write and my deepest wants. This is where my faith wains, as I don't understand their void. Yet, I am choosing to believe that it is trusting and my own actions based on my soul that will get me there. It's not about trusting in things that don't feel right and forcing yourself to feel it, but trusting in what is hard, yet still worth doing. I am trusting that my God would want me to be loved, a wife, a mother, and in a community that gets me. I am trusting that it is coming. I have to choose to see it. I am being reminded that Open Book has helped me see what I feel strongly about and must stick to, and also, rightfully, where change is needed to leave that comfort zone of control. This has taught me to choose to trust your soul and not let the brain overpower, because the soul is just as, if not more, important.
And when all else fails, watch some Billy Elliot...
And I'm ready to boldly step into October's theme of love...let's hope Paige and Bob are gentle with me while pushing me in the places I need pushed.
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