MISSION: A MONTH OF LOVE = LIVING IN LOVE
“If someone told me to write a book on morality, it would have a hundred pages and ninety-nine of them would be blank. On the last page I would write, 'I recognize only one duty and that is to love.' And as far as everything else is concerned, I say no.” —Albert Camus
If someone – a dear friend for instance - asked me to write a monthly prescription for love, it would be a book with an infinite number of pages, because heck, that is what love is: a generative process that has no real start, no real ending, and no real definition. One cannot take the love one gives back, and I like that. That love, whether it beats still or is extinguished fully, is somewhere out there in the universe, burning brightly like stars in the sky. And it did something good. It made someone better. And if, as Camus rightly put it, we understood that love is indeed a duty and not a “happily ever after” script written for us, we would be writing so many love stories that our hearts would ache at the thought of it. It is our duty to love. We have the bandwidth to do it, but we sometimes forget that like most things learned in life, love is a task, not a story mapped out with a predictable ending. It is a task in that we have to do it in order to become better at it, and we have to write our own love story with mindfulness and intention.
PREFACE (Every good love story has a preface): October is a good month for love. Red maple leaves against azure skies open one’s heart. They. Just. Do. The smell of a nearby bonfire does the same. October is good sleeping weather, when open windows at night somehow open our hearts with a magic I really don’t get. But I know I wake up feeling more in love with the world the next morning. October is a love tonic if ever a month can be called one (screw February on that front, by the way). So here, dearest Shannon, whose truest of hearts has a romantic compass that is equally steadfast, is your “script” for the month of love:
I. Sleep with your windows open – even if it is only a crack. This simple act of letting in fresh night air also requires a bit of mindfulness in that as you open that window at night, I want you to think about opening up a piece of your heart. Tackle the pieces that require some tugging, and as the windows open each night, imagine your heart is a little lighter.
II. Buy yourself this: http://www.amazon.com/
III. Fall in love with the things around you. And take note of them. You have the marvelous ability to delight in the big and the small beauties of our world. I challenge you to fall in love with them. Because really falling in ALL-CAPS LOVE is about seeing love in many places. Again, use October as your backdrop for this. You’ll be in love with the world in no time. If I were to fall in love with a month, October would be my hands-down winner.
IV. SHARE this feeling of being in love with things, feelings, moments, experiences WITH people. This is the key to an open heart: it cannot just love in a vacuum. It is okay to say “I LOVE this pumpkin latte!” because in that moment, maybe that first sip is like a first kiss: perfect, warm, new. The capacity to BE in love resides in the ability to love your world. I was reminded of this when my sweet two year old exclaimed with a raw passion “I LOVE CRICKETS!!!!” this evening. Yes. Yes, you love crickets. And shouting your love of crickets from the rooftops is your duty (back to Camus), as much as it is reason for another soul to fall in love with your love of crickets. Or beets. Aka: YOU.
V. Dude. You have to fall in love with you. Plain and simple. The “Dude” was just for effect because this I’m snapping my fingers right now in front of your face. With bossy-boots vigor. Fall in love with the things about you that are amazingly lovable. Twenter, there are so, so, so many. So many. You have to fall in love with what makes you YOU in order for others to see and embrace them. This is perhaps the hardest task, but I want you to – on a daily basis – DO THIS ONE THING. See the sparkle in your eyes, the fun you bring to any occasion, the spontaneity and love of the little things that you share so freely with other. And love these things.
VI. This one comes from Alex (but I fully agree with him): every morning, look at your bleary-eyed, beautiful self in a mirror and say, “I accept myself unconditionally right now.”(source: www.hungryforchange.tv) Self-explanatory.
VII. Soundtrack. This is my personal (abridged for the purposes of this project) love soundtrack:
a. Billie Holiday, Easy Living because she and October are soul mates, if ever there were. This song, with its lilt and grit, makes my heart dance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?
b. Ani diFranco, Everest http://www.youtube.com/watch?
c. The Cinematic Orchestra, To Build a Home. http://www.youtube.com/watch?
d. Sigur Ros, Hoppipolla. Because love is about being young and being old and feeling free, because this song makes me in love with the world, and frankly, because there are leaves in the video (very autumnal):http://www.youtube.com/watch?
e. Philip Glass, Mad Rush. Someone shared this with me when I had a broken heart, and when I hear it, my heart still breaks, BUT the thing about love is that sometimes (most of the time), there are no words:http://www.youtube.com/watch?
f. Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah. Love requires faith. And though I am not a religious sort, love is religion in a sort of universal way. This song pretty much says everything there is to say about love, all in a voice that makes your heart just want to risk it all. And because track 6 is typically my favorite on an album, I stop here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Love is what you make of it. Falling in love, and BEING in love is not going to make you a better person, necessarily. It can, but that hard work – even with your soul mate alongside you – falls in your lap. The lucky “HE” cannot be your compass. But the act of love, and the duty of loving can. So predictably, I leave you with the sage words of my main man, Thich Nhat Hanh, for further reflection. I’ve read them over and over again…and I can’t say I fully get it. Yet. And like love, that is as it should be:
“True love includes the sense of responsibility, accepting the other person as he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses. If we like only the best things in the person, that is not love. We have to accept his weaknesses and bring our patience, understanding, and energy to help him transform. Love is maitri, the capacity to bring joy and happiness, and karuna, the capacity to transform pain and suffering. This kind of love can only be good for people. It cannot be described as negative or destructive. It is safe. It guarantees everything.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
I waited until Oct. 1st to read. It's 1:30am my time (- what teachers can't do that?). I will open my window. I will sleep. And I will be thankful for such a lovely start to my October of Love. Sending all that love you just shared back and more.
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