Kellie challenged me to visit 4 different spiritual centers, and TRY to talk to someone about their experience with place and their faith there. Like Kellie said, if I chose her, I knew I was going to bring Jesus to the plate. And it's funny, I guess I knew that, but I picked her more for this reason. She is strong. She has faith. And she is open-minded and communicative.
One of my favorite Kellie moments is when she was frustrated at work and she just sat down, put her head in her hands, and said "Jesus, help me". I looked at her and said, "Wait, you really mean that. You are like praying, not just using his name in vain or something." I think she laughed but it was moments like this that cemented our friendship. Another moment like this in the same location
was when Kellie came in crying because she loved her life, but she also was challenged by some of the good things that had come into her life that she chose to grasp and therefore created shifts in her dreams in unexpected ways. It was one of those hilarious moments, (without revealing too much because I didn't check in with a woman who is due in a week) when Kellie was sobbing at work and was able to be real with me about why. This is why I chose Kellie. She has amazing faith and she doesn't hide that she is challenged. This is what makes her tougher in my opinion. She communicates it for the benefit of others who are also challenged, but may not share. She also uses her faith to bring solid people in her life to communicate with about her questions and when all else fails she just trusts...or sings. Well, I can't sing, but I can learn to trust.
was when Kellie came in crying because she loved her life, but she also was challenged by some of the good things that had come into her life that she chose to grasp and therefore created shifts in her dreams in unexpected ways. It was one of those hilarious moments, (without revealing too much because I didn't check in with a woman who is due in a week) when Kellie was sobbing at work and was able to be real with me about why. This is why I chose Kellie. She has amazing faith and she doesn't hide that she is challenged. This is what makes her tougher in my opinion. She communicates it for the benefit of others who are also challenged, but may not share. She also uses her faith to bring solid people in her life to communicate with about her questions and when all else fails she just trusts...or sings. Well, I can't sing, but I can learn to trust.
And so I chose to trust Kellie, and so 2nd week of trusting her suggestions began.
And though I was initially not looking forward to leaving the Buddhist Meditation Center I had finally been to consecutively a few weeks in a row - a record for me in the last few years, with some thought, I realized Kellie was right to send me on this journey. I needed to explore other options to be firm in making that choice of 1 over another. And so I began.
First week - I returned to the Heart of Dharma Center. Again, the leader made me feel good, she laughs and admits her faults while speaking, I meditate with others, and when I walk out my soul has quieted a bit of the chatter that clouds it. I can't remember her talk from last time but it was exactly where I was at. I continue to be reminded to stop trying to control and to let go.
I also have continued to read chapters of John from the Bible per suggestion, and I can't figure out the Jesus factor back in my life yet, but I am choosing to believe that visiting faith centers and finding a good fit for me may get me closer to experiencing that strength, faith, trust I admire in this chapter writer. And that is what those chapters are about choosing to believe without seeing.
And this week's daily positive reflections celebrating the letter C:
Character-I keep being described by parents and colleagues at my new school as vibrant and full of energy. This is refreshing.
Career - EL practices do work. I spent many years trying to convince others of it, and my initial view of these 2 weeks are seeing its truth in practice.
Community - I went to yoga tonight and was greeted by a hug. It was a good reminder to be open and welcoming to what comes to me.
Calling - Today I was at a meeting at my school (and I think I have been open at my concerns about not being in a more urban school with more youth who face challenges and add grit to my life - so the concerns follow me where I go) and I was struck by our simple meeting of profound proportion. Oddly, I realized -unbeknownst to me - I had very adamantly sought out a school that would build character and academic prowess. Though Catholicism doesn't seem to fit me right now, I realized I had sought a school that teaches character and that is essential to me. I realized how much I had swallowed myself at my last school to please what they wanted in a classroom, and I am feeling that I am not only being asked to use what I believe in but it is encouraged. And they used the word grit today. So I got that going for me, which is nice (that was for you Chad).
Community - I talked to Beth today - the originator of the Living Chapters project, which Open Book is based after. We had a good time laughing and discussing our journey. It's nice to be reminded of community afar. She also mentioned she would be on-air on Baltimore's Public Radio The Signal (and I, too, would be interviewed off-the-air!), and it sure felt good to be thinking on that Bmore community, too.
Companion - Today I got off my bike, went up to my coworker and said, "Being alone is for the birds, I'm ready for my boyfriend now." I opened up a Chemistry account which allows me to peruse, but not do anything till I pay some money. Maybe it's time to pay the money. Regardless, positively I am opening up to this, as best I can.
(It should be noted I will be up in the wilderness for week after this posting and I am not sure of my internet access, so if all those steady comments continue - this is an attempt at humor - I won't be able to respond for a bit.)
No comments:
Post a Comment