This video has been on my mind, particularly right around the 2:30ish mark. Jay-Z has never been high on my list of artists (though his wife has!), but this video and reading his book made me reconsider. I could see the anthropologist/artist in him trying to speak his truth.
And that is what I think Paul is asking me to do.
Chapter 1 author Paul wisely was reluctant to write this chapter as he knows that we all must write our own chapter, as it is our truth that is the most important. I heart-feltly agree.
There have been times in my life when I just do. When I hear my intuition and do it, even when it hurts, because I have trusted.
I feel I have let that dissipate. Doing Paul's exercises each day (live and let live, forgive, positive choice revision, and meditate on fears), I've noticed the themes that kept coming up were need for love, community, trying to forgive myself and addressing regret, and to speak my voice. I also had a hard time understanding the bigger things that were happening when I was focused on what was wrong. I noticed in reading my 4 daily prompt writings backwards (as suggested by our month's author) that I had in fact been trying to work on love and community. Yet, my intuition and voice were telling me that it is okay to pursue it in what works best for YOU. The cause of my fear and anxiety are ability to hear and do, and this is where I need some work.
Don't we all? I understand Paul's concern about not wanting to write suggestions for how to make this progress, as I need to find my own truth to do that, and trust that the most. Yet, I am using this project - and hoping others are, as well - to question if we can trust in a community to offer a new way of trying (an energy) to get to those same pesky fears that will then allow you some change of your own accord.
We all hold on to things tightly (some more than others) as we want something to make sense and work. Yet, I am reminded that when we let go, the best learning and growth occurs. By letting go, I have had these amazing experiences and people in my life. I can remember when I had more trust, people would ask me why I was doing something. And sometimes I couldn't even put it into words but just because I knew I needed to put myself in that different situation to get to that place I knew I wanted the developing me to be.
So, half-way through this month of Being Present with Perspective, I think Paul's 4 daily prompts have done just that. Allowed me to get some perspective but work on still being present in my day. I still struggle, but the process is helping me. It is telling me I have what it takes to conquer the fears, if I am I just able to let go and VOICE & DO what I trust, even when it is hard and hurts.
When I am caught up in being bold enough to do what makes me tick, I don't need to ask or worry. I can let go, and then my voice and intuition work easily. I think that is why I like that one part of Jay-Z's video the best. His video is about using the energy of each other. For most of the video, he is bold and quite sure of himself, then an older woman throws him off and he isn't fixed on his showmanship, and he is truly himself because he is just doing, letting go, and thereby growing.
This spring I was on top of the Empire State Building, and suddenly I started crying, really out of no-where. It was this moment where I heard to let go, to be open to love. I heard it. Perhaps working on these 4 daily ideas will strengthen trust in it.
The world is not of corners, nor places square to hide
its more of holes and open ends and circles held inside.
The sky is not of vaulted arch with clouds of brick and stone
its vast and wide and spread out thin with arches all its own.
My mind is not of metered rhyme with words which can describe
the space and change and endlessness which everywhere I find.
...and so I stop to contemplate the patterns kept in time.
-Char Wolff, 19.10.2003
Disclaimer: If you are worried about this staring with Jay-Z. I will now better explain the Jay-z thing. Well Beyonce lives in Brooklyn and I am still mourning that, and I love me some Beyonce. So when this came across my FB feed, I had to go watch it, even if it was J-Z. And then I was struck by his intelligence and introspection. (I also want there to be a reason Beyonce married him that is legit). Then I decided to go 1 step further and read his book and again think he is trying to offer a different perspective on what exists in America. So, yes, heartfeltly agree that he is full of himself, talks up and glamorizes the drug trade too much, and that he propagates the false-ity that often black men in america are limited lines of work in rap and drugs. However, I also found him intriguing in that he wants to share his story as a reflection on how politics and his environment were limited and our country allows that to happen and that we need to see and hear about that. Those messages are hidden but described more in his book. Do I think he glamorizes it too much and uses it to sell his records and promote himself? for sure, but is he trying to be real about how he has evolved as a person and sees that there are problems that we don't want to look at. I think that too. So the video, I like that he uses the energy of other artists in the room. That the girl says "he made himself art" cause we all have the power to do that. And the part at 2:30ish where the older woman totally knocks him off his gourd and he is really real. THe lines from some of the song I ignore, but I like that perhaps if you are looking for it you can see him trying to speak his truth, showing we can get energy from each other, and that we all should have the chance to be our picasso. Like Picasso's famous quote: "My mother said to me 'If you are a soldier, you will be a general. If you are a priest, you will be the pope.' And I chose to be an artist, and became Picasso". So that's why I decided to like him a bit more, and think that maybe Beyonce saw something in him besides his bling and overinflated ego. I think perhaps I need to check out this infatuation with Beyonce and put it in more in check.
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